In one sense, I could take an existential route, side with the certain spiritual and existential thinkers, shrug my shoulders and simply say, ‘this is meant to be, coz that’s what’s happening! what is, IS. well, duh’
However, if I were to reflect on such a question while in a more poignant, honest and forthcoming mood, I’d say this is deeply deeply meaningful work for me personally and it’s a indeed a matter of life and death.
It’s about coming into life
It’s about full engagement and participation
It’s about breaking the ice and unthawing, unfreezing, un-fucking at many levels
It’s learning what’s it’s like to fully acquaint with and experience my human-ness, my human mess, my emotions, those gnarly sensations, those gut wrenching survival reactions, the horror, the fear, the joy, the intense sexual arousal, the taboos, the power, the shame, the bliss, the piss, the shit, the sweat, the defeat, the bitter sweet, and every other thing a human can possibly experience if he/she/they are willing to REALLY PUSH it
It’s about finally finally finally finally finally learning to STOP being so damn scared and having the balls to start expressing myself
It’s about willing myself to risk ignominy, shame, mortal wounding, exile, loss of approval, sexual access, money, comfort, opportunities, social connections, etc all in service of MY PERSONAL TRUTH at ANY GIVEN MOMENT
I don’t want to continuing staying quiet and being a church mouse
I’m fucking tired of my imprints getting the better of me and keeping me small, safely tucked away in a corner, hiding from others, hiding from my myself, conning myself and continuing to bullshit myself
I want to roar, curse, scream, yell, shout, punch & be punched, lie bloodied, have and express a stand, dance, sing, growl, beg, screw-up, get it right, succeed, fail, fuck with gay abandon, and make mad, mad merry for no reason
If I have a sincere prayer, this will be it –
“May I really really really RISK LIVING and DIE ROARING.”
Embodying Resilience 